ADOLESCENCE

For me I have a pre-teen and a teen. It is a fascinating and challenging time, watching them push boundaries, discover and define themselves and their relationships with others and the world around them.

Over the next few posts I am going to share some insight into what is happening at this age and then some suggestions as to how we, as parents, can deal with issues that present to us.

Adolescence is a time of rapid and dramatic change. With the exception of infancy, the amount and speed of physical growth and change for adolescents is greater than in any other time in a person’s life.

During these years of growth for the child, anytime from 10 years to 20 years of age, parents and/or other adults in the place of providing care for these children find they need to adapt their parenting style to suit the changing needs of adolescents.

Parents and/or care givers experiencing adolescent behaviour often are left feeling some or all of the following:-

Inadequate, unappreciated, unheard, unhelpful, confused, angry, loss of their ‘babies’, lack of control over the situation, left out, uninformed, under valued and concerned for the future of the child.

These feelings can lead to stress or unease within oneself, as well as through the whole family or situation.

Parents may constantly feel their home has turned into a battle ground or a place of unrest instead of a place of harmony.

Being aware of the changes that are happening for the child, and seeking help, support and current information in this specific area, will allow the parent and/or care giver an ability to understand and manage the teenager more effectively.

Children entering adolescence face three big challenges during this developmental stage:-

Biological (physical changes)
Psychological (changes in thinking and feeling)
Social (changes in relationships)

Next blog we will look closer at the biological/physical changes that are happening.

Kirsty - http://www.unity-qld.com.au/

OUR NEW FAMILY MEMBER

Well you are home, with new family member in tow. Any routine you did have is out the window and you have someone who is just over the height of a ruler sending full grown adults running around chasing their tails. With eyes hanging out of your head, a full night’s sleep is a distant memory and you have never seen so much washing in your life. You begin to see floors and cupboards disappear behind a veil of dust and who ever thought the bed would constantly be unmade! You wait patiently for a look, cuddle or the side of your baby’s mouth to curl into the promise of a smile to allow you to melt and make it all worthwhile.

You have many people giving you advice based on their experiences, you have books telling you what is going on and doctors and nurses directing you on the right path. Somewhere in all this there can be times you stop to listen to you and your baby, the experts in your situation I believe. I have also found the quieter our own inner guidance gets; the less we stop and ‘listen’ to our babies needs, the louder others voices get; the more tired, exhausted and defeated we may feel.

The first 2 – 6 months of your little ones life can be a tiring and busy. Not only are you adapting to the change in your home, your body is also healing from the pregnancy and birth. You follow the need to put your baby first and you last, and everyone and everything else in between. This can be overwhelming until you are screaming on the inside....HELLLLLLOOOOOO, need some help here! The more uptight you become, you start to notice the more your baby goes along with this, and looses their sense of calm and peace too. You also need to keep up with the constant changes in baby’s routine. There are so many milestones during this time and so much advise of what they ‘should’ be doing, eating, sleeping, wearing, not wearing. I mean, what if your baby does not point at the right time, or I would hate to think the effect on their development if there was no interest in solid food or the like at the right time! (Joking!)

I have now three children, and not one of them did things at the exact same time, didn’t reach a milestone right on the date specified, could of been earlier or later. None of them have been the same. Mind you, all 3 of them are healthy, happy and fitting in age appropriately to their environment. I found especially with my 2 year old who is 10 years younger than his sister and 12 years younger than his brother; I am more relaxed and allow him to do what he does when he does it, listening more to him and me. I often have referred to my “What to Expect” series of books for some guidance or confirmations, however that is all I have done. This has allowed me room to be a ‘better’ parent this time by giving more time and thought to my needs, communicating this as well as enjoying and taking time to understand my sons ‘launguage’ and respond to his immediate needs and not push him a certain way or give no attention to what I have been told is unimportant. From this I believe his is very happy, developmentally right on time, and confident and has slept through since an early age. He certainly has no issue communicating his needs, knowing he is heard! He also rarely gets sick and his immune system is functioning well, from what I think is contributed in part to less stress in his little life.

Consider these questions when you get home with your new family member:

. With all the wonderful advice I am getting, what feels right for me and my baby?

. Can I take time each day to listen to my needs and what my body needs right now while it is healing from this experience?

. How can I take more time to listen to my baby and understand his/her language?

. How can I communicate to others my needs? Do I let people know what I would like to do? Do I ask for help when I need it? Do I put my baby’s needs over the needs of other people’s best intentions to help? Do I create a routine that works for me?

. Do I trust myself to get this right, if I just sat and listened to me and my baby? Do I know that ‘mother really does know best’ in this situation?

. What can I be doing differently or better every day to make this time of change more special and less challenging?

Remember that you chose this time for you and your baby chose you. There is much to learn for both of you, however together you are an unstoppable team.

Kirsty http://www.unity-qld.com.au/

Parent Coaching

Parent-coaching can be a very valuable support for parents or parents to be. Coaches know that parents don’t need ‘fixing’, just the chance to see their situation differently. Coaching provides parents with an opportunity:

1. to gain skills and knowledge to face change with confidence.
2. to discuss strategies to deal with the challenges that modern day parents face.
3. to become observers of their own behaviour as we can only change what we are aware of and acknowledge.
4. to make appropriate choices about changing their way of being.
5. to put steps into place to approach their relationship with their children differently.
6. to be accountable for the changes they wish to make.
7. to maintain close family and friend group relationships, which in our constantly changing world are more important than ever.

When you reflect on these areas, what do you see as an area you would like to improve on or be more skilled in? What benefit would there be for you and your child? Where would you seek help and/or knowledge in this area? Would you be more comfortable with a professional in this area, discussing ideas with a friend who has similar experiences or researching information through books and/or the internet?

Most changes begin with one small action. If you could make one small action today to start to create a positive change to the relationship with yourself and your child, what would that be? Could you commit to doing this now? Could you ask for help? What would be the reward/benefit to you and your family?

Take a moment to create a picture of how you would like your family to be now. See where it is like this as well as where it is not. When you have identified the areas of improvement, what could you do to start making these adjustments? Would you find it helpful to get coaching/help in these areas from someone who is experienced in supporting and encouraging positive change in our current parenting style? In knowing what you really want it is easier to do what you need to do to create it. Could asking yourself these questions, then taking action provide you with the outcome you would like?

Consider that if you were the only one you could change or who could take action right now, what would you do to create a better relationship with your child and have a happier home environment?

Kirsty www.unity-qld.com.au

MY IVF EXPERIENCE

My husband and I decided, after careful consideration and family discussion, that another addition to our family of 4 was something we all wanted whole heartedly.

After my second child I had got my ‘tubes clipped’ (technical term!), at 30 years old. On deciding to have my 3rd child I was 37. We went to our doctor who weighed up different options with us. We decided on IVF as to attempt to reconnect tubes was a complicated surgery and rates of success were low. IVF seemed a better option. So I began preparing my body for ‘growing’ my little person and the onslaught of medication required for IVF. There are many websites that you can visit that fully describe this process; I was taken care of by the Queensland Fertility Group in Australia.

There were three main aspects of my preparation. These included:

. Gaining support from my close friends and family, who all agreed to see this baby as already choosing to be here and the IVF process and pregnancy as being successful. There was never any negative talk around me of it not being ok this time or a failed attempt.

. Preparing my body, being in optimal health. Eating right, clearing out any ‘toxins’ from my body (detoxing) and supportive supplement programme. I researched anything I could find on programs that were being found to be successful in this area of nutritionally preparing your body for pregnancy and also natural hormonal balancing programs to minimise possibilities of miscarriage.

· I created ‘wish posters/vision boards’ of pregnancy and babies, positive affirmations to support already enjoying a healthy pregnancy, I memorised each stage of what the IVF process was preparing my body for and also foetal development and when this time arrived already imagined my body doing that exact thing. My husband and I went and bought a pram knowing that our baby would be in it in approx 9 months.

I was so excited I shared this with my carers/nurses at the fertility clinic. They were amazing, however often talked in what I considered the negative. When I bought this up to them they said it was part of what they had to do as they were being realistic with patients to lessen their pain and reduce their hope in case it didn’t happen. This didn’t wash with me and I was very disappointed by this particular attitude. I am a firm believer in what we can see in our minds we can achieve in our lives. I also talked to them about my research and usage of nutritional methods. Again they kindly dismissed my findings as being overall unproven and possibly ineffective.

I also found this carried through on confirmation of pregnancy. They said that they do not view it as successful until the 12 week mark and heartbeat is checked. I can understand their logic, however again this bought up fear rather than joy. Not good for mother or baby at this point I believe. So I decided to keep up my 3 step regime and know that my baby and I were growing together each day.

My preparations before partaking in IVF programme were to detox my body. You can find a method that seems right for you, based on advice from an appropriate professional in this area. I found that eating lots of fresh food, taking a good quality natural mineral supplement, multivitamin and powerful antioxidant was purposeful. I also took an essential fatty acid supplement (for hormonal balancing) and a supplement that included Co-enzyme Q10 (to promote a healthy womb lining) supportive. I also increased protein in my diet support egg production. I used a wild yam cream to promote hormonal balance and create ‘good eggs’. I exercised regularly and drank about 2 litres of water daily. I reduced caffeine intake (am a tea lover, so chose not to cut it out completely!). Our diet was already predominately organic as my eldest son has chemical and food intolerances, so this was supportive.

Upon testing my husband and I had no fertility issues other than our age (their opinion!), and due to my mind and body preparations the IVF drugs they gave me took too well. My dose was reduced and I ended up enduring painful ovarian hyper stimulation syndrome. This was overcome and many healthy eggs were harvested. My husband did his part, and then the little eggs and swimmers joined to become the beginning of my amazing son.

I kept up my mineral and multivitamin and wild yam regime during pregnancy. I also kept up a ‘healthy pregnancy’ routine to support my baby’s growth. In the last 3 months I took an essential fatty acid supplement to support a few different things as well as baby brain development and a good quality pro biotic to support good bacteria in my stomach and for baby and delivery channel. Apparently IVF babies and babies of older mothers are generally smaller in size – this wasn’t our experience.

So on the exact due date, our beautiful 3rd child came ‘flying out’ into the world.

The medications/drugs required for IVF threw my system out. I am still attempting to get my weight down again (2 years on) and rebalance my hormones. However, this was a small price to pay for the wonderful human being we welcomed into our world. My other children (11yrs and 13 yrs) love him to bits and I find that this time I am a more patient and confident parent.

Always consult with an expert in this field and research credible information when going through or considering any fertility treatment.

"Your future depends on many things , but mostly on you."
Kirsty – http://www.unity-qld.com.au/