Well you are home, with new family member in tow. Any routine you did have is out the window and you have someone who is just over the height of a ruler sending full grown adults running around chasing their tails. With eyes hanging out of your head, a full night’s sleep is a distant memory and you have never seen so much washing in your life. You begin to see floors and cupboards disappear behind a veil of dust and who ever thought the bed would constantly be unmade! You wait patiently for a look, cuddle or the side of your baby’s mouth to curl into the promise of a smile to allow you to melt and make it all worthwhile.
You have many people giving you advice based on their experiences, you have books telling you what is going on and doctors and nurses directing you on the right path. Somewhere in all this there can be times you stop to listen to you and your baby, the experts in your situation I believe. I have also found the quieter our own inner guidance gets; the less we stop and ‘listen’ to our babies needs, the louder others voices get; the more tired, exhausted and defeated we may feel.
The first 2 – 6 months of your little ones life can be a tiring and busy. Not only are you adapting to the change in your home, your body is also healing from the pregnancy and birth. You follow the need to put your baby first and you last, and everyone and everything else in between. This can be overwhelming until you are screaming on the inside....HELLLLLLOOOOOO, need some help here! The more uptight you become, you start to notice the more your baby goes along with this, and looses their sense of calm and peace too. You also need to keep up with the constant changes in baby’s routine. There are so many milestones during this time and so much advise of what they ‘should’ be doing, eating, sleeping, wearing, not wearing. I mean, what if your baby does not point at the right time, or I would hate to think the effect on their development if there was no interest in solid food or the like at the right time! (Joking!)
I have now three children, and not one of them did things at the exact same time, didn’t reach a milestone right on the date specified, could of been earlier or later. None of them have been the same. Mind you, all 3 of them are healthy, happy and fitting in age appropriately to their environment. I found especially with my 2 year old who is 10 years younger than his sister and 12 years younger than his brother; I am more relaxed and allow him to do what he does when he does it, listening more to him and me. I often have referred to my “What to Expect” series of books for some guidance or confirmations, however that is all I have done. This has allowed me room to be a ‘better’ parent this time by giving more time and thought to my needs, communicating this as well as enjoying and taking time to understand my sons ‘launguage’ and respond to his immediate needs and not push him a certain way or give no attention to what I have been told is unimportant. From this I believe his is very happy, developmentally right on time, and confident and has slept through since an early age. He certainly has no issue communicating his needs, knowing he is heard! He also rarely gets sick and his immune system is functioning well, from what I think is contributed in part to less stress in his little life.
Consider these questions when you get home with your new family member:
. With all the wonderful advice I am getting, what feels right for me and my baby?
. Can I take time each day to listen to my needs and what my body needs right now while it is healing from this experience?
. How can I take more time to listen to my baby and understand his/her language?
. How can I communicate to others my needs? Do I let people know what I would like to do? Do I ask for help when I need it? Do I put my baby’s needs over the needs of other people’s best intentions to help? Do I create a routine that works for me?
. Do I trust myself to get this right, if I just sat and listened to me and my baby? Do I know that ‘mother really does know best’ in this situation?
. What can I be doing differently or better every day to make this time of change more special and less challenging?
Remember that you chose this time for you and your baby chose you. There is much to learn for both of you, however together you are an unstoppable team.
You have many people giving you advice based on their experiences, you have books telling you what is going on and doctors and nurses directing you on the right path. Somewhere in all this there can be times you stop to listen to you and your baby, the experts in your situation I believe. I have also found the quieter our own inner guidance gets; the less we stop and ‘listen’ to our babies needs, the louder others voices get; the more tired, exhausted and defeated we may feel.
The first 2 – 6 months of your little ones life can be a tiring and busy. Not only are you adapting to the change in your home, your body is also healing from the pregnancy and birth. You follow the need to put your baby first and you last, and everyone and everything else in between. This can be overwhelming until you are screaming on the inside....HELLLLLLOOOOOO, need some help here! The more uptight you become, you start to notice the more your baby goes along with this, and looses their sense of calm and peace too. You also need to keep up with the constant changes in baby’s routine. There are so many milestones during this time and so much advise of what they ‘should’ be doing, eating, sleeping, wearing, not wearing. I mean, what if your baby does not point at the right time, or I would hate to think the effect on their development if there was no interest in solid food or the like at the right time! (Joking!)
I have now three children, and not one of them did things at the exact same time, didn’t reach a milestone right on the date specified, could of been earlier or later. None of them have been the same. Mind you, all 3 of them are healthy, happy and fitting in age appropriately to their environment. I found especially with my 2 year old who is 10 years younger than his sister and 12 years younger than his brother; I am more relaxed and allow him to do what he does when he does it, listening more to him and me. I often have referred to my “What to Expect” series of books for some guidance or confirmations, however that is all I have done. This has allowed me room to be a ‘better’ parent this time by giving more time and thought to my needs, communicating this as well as enjoying and taking time to understand my sons ‘launguage’ and respond to his immediate needs and not push him a certain way or give no attention to what I have been told is unimportant. From this I believe his is very happy, developmentally right on time, and confident and has slept through since an early age. He certainly has no issue communicating his needs, knowing he is heard! He also rarely gets sick and his immune system is functioning well, from what I think is contributed in part to less stress in his little life.
Consider these questions when you get home with your new family member:
. With all the wonderful advice I am getting, what feels right for me and my baby?
. Can I take time each day to listen to my needs and what my body needs right now while it is healing from this experience?
. How can I take more time to listen to my baby and understand his/her language?
. How can I communicate to others my needs? Do I let people know what I would like to do? Do I ask for help when I need it? Do I put my baby’s needs over the needs of other people’s best intentions to help? Do I create a routine that works for me?
. Do I trust myself to get this right, if I just sat and listened to me and my baby? Do I know that ‘mother really does know best’ in this situation?
. What can I be doing differently or better every day to make this time of change more special and less challenging?
Remember that you chose this time for you and your baby chose you. There is much to learn for both of you, however together you are an unstoppable team.Kirsty http://www.unity-qld.com.au/
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