ADOLESCENCE - Psychological (changes in thinking and feeling)

In our last post we looked at the Biological changes (physical changes) in our teens. This post we will look at the ways they are thinking and feeling.

Adolescents are starting to realise that they are different from their parents and the rest of the world and that their parents are imperfect. They are beginning to develop their own sense of identity and increase in independence. It is a time where they are working out their own values and beliefs. They are also realising that there are new possibilities open to them and are less likely to accept things the way they are or believe in something just because an adult says so.

Teenagers often refuse to believe that anybody, especially their parents could understand the new and intense feelings they are experiencing, however they have a tendency to take things personally, blame themselves and others when things go ‘wrong’ and jump to conclusions about what others are thinking of them and feeling.

In their search for their unique identity, adolescents may assume that they are invincible and that nothing bad will happen to them. They may engage in risk taking behaviour. They can show sound judgement and are capable of making good decisions; however this is sometimes overshadowed by how they can give more weight to immediate rather than long term consequences. Adolescents need help from their parents to make decisions that have long term implications and risks.

Adolescents can go from demanding autonomy at one moment to being very needy the next. This can be a confusing time for any parent wondering how much freedom to give whilst taking into account the level of maturity, as well as dealing with how the teenager is communicating their needs.

Next time you find yourself in conflict with your teenager, ask yourself “What is this really about?” Is this argument really about homework, or is it about the adolescent asserting their independence and their need to have more say in what they do? If you see it from their perspective you are less likely to take things personally and more likely to respond calmly and constructively as issues arise. Talk to your teen about what is important to them. With hold from any judgement or being viewed as minimising their opinion. Just listen. This will allow you to use conversation in a more relatable way, talking in language that relates to what is important to them. This will guarantee they give you more attention and more time before they switch off or shut you down.

Next entry we will look at the social changes going on for our teen.

Kirsty http://www.unity-qld.com.au/