Have you ever listened to or read one of those news stories about a crime or wrong doing being committed against someone, who was able to go on and forgive the perpetrator? I was one of those people who couldn't seem to get my head around forgiving someone who had inflicted so much pain. I felt those people were a long way off from deserving forgiveness.
Then, I found myself in this same situation. There had been people in my life that had committed crimes and some that had committed a wrong doing against me. To be perfectly honest, it was a big enough step just to admit this, let alone be able to move on from these events. Some of these people had asked for my forgiveness, and others could easily get by without it. Ultimately it was my decision.
It was a bit of a case of, "Which comes first, “the chicken or the egg"? Do I need to have "gotten over" these situations first, or can I forgive these people regardless? I guess it was a bit of a leap of faith for me, but I chose to forgive them first. I had no idea at the time the healing and the ability to move on I would experience from being able to do this. I had found out that the forgiveness I gave these people wasn’t for their benefit. It was for mine.
Through forgiveness, the healing followed. It was literally like the load I carried was now lighter. My leap had been well worth it. I hope that if you're faced with the same situation you have the faith to leap.
Lynda Alderton
for www.unity-qld.com.au
What if you can't get past the belief that you were/are to blame? Do you have to forgive yourself first? Or do you have to accept that things happen for a reason and there is a time when you just have to move on and put it all behind you. Why dwell on things that can't be changed?
ReplyDeleteJust a question- completely understand what you are saying. And I think it is great that it had such a positive outcome for you. It really sounds like it was a big step for you to take and it was worth taking the leap. After all, we are all just searching for happiness.
Hi 'Anonymous'. Forgiveness is about a decision to not allow the past to control and dictate our future. We all have 'stuff' that has happened, the ability to forgive is the ability to recognise it, learn from it, heal our 'wounds' then let go. I once heard that unforgiveness was like drinking poisen and wanting the other person to die! This is where if we forgive, we then stop being attached to the situation that drains us and move towards what sustains us. It does require acknowledging the event, seeing it for what it is, then changing the meaning we have given it so that we can move on with our lives. There is no fault, just responsibility of our own actions. Sometimes, you can do this on your own, or it may take someone to help you. Which ever way it is always best to be mowing towards what we want, rather than away from what we don't. Kirsty.
ReplyDeleteThis all sounds real easy to do on paper, but to "flick a switch" (make the decision) to forgive or to let go, isn't easy at all. Dwelling on issues,problems what ever becomes all too consuming. (for me it is any way) From here I personally become self destructive and I watch myself begin to create new problems to focus on which just adds to the my self destructive cycle.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if I should be forgiving the other party or myself? Time passes and my cycle slows down and everything is simple again, and then it is not again.
What are the 10 steps to forgiveness?
Hi 'Anonymous'. As you haven't specified your personal situation, I cannot say which party to forgive. The steps are as individual and unique as the person and event/s. Lynda has talked about the benefit she found from being able to take back control and power to become and create what she wants now, unencumbered by past hurts. You may want to seek out books, forums or helping professionals that are right for you and your situation that can allow you to feel those benefits. This blog is aimed at inspiring people to take action from someone who is walking her journey with commitment and determination, taking educated risks, doing things out of her 'comfort zone' and getting results. Kirsty.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written and so insightful. Lynda, you are a talent. I loved reading this. I am definitely inspired to do the hard work that needs to be done in my own life.
ReplyDeleteTrue forgiveness and releasing the past, not denying or ignoring it, is so healing and renewing. Scary at the time, but worth it in the end!
Keep them coming Lynda, lovely!