Understanding Non Verbal Communication

I recently did a video for Parents of challenging and difficult children. I mentioned in the video how important it was to be aware of non verbal communication from your child. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ASZD1tuYv1YQ.
I have since been asked why is having an understanding of Non Verbal Communication so important? Here is a basic run down of what non verbal communication is.

The reason it is important to understand non verbal communication is that we gather more meaning from the messages and conversation from others through their tone of voice and body language than from the spoken word. Non verbal communication can account for upwards of 80% as to how the message is understood by the receiver.

Non verbal communication includes:-

. Tone of voice – e.g. angry, happy, excited, nervous
. Facial Expressions – e.g. frown, smile, twitch
. Gestures – e.g. waving, thumbs up, making a fist, pointing
. Posture – e.g. slouched, arms crossed, looking down, looking away
. Eye contact – e.g. looking to sides, eye rolling, overly staring, avoiding eye contact
. Personal space needs – e.g. uncomfortable distance apart, too far or too close

When we can translate non verbal signals as well as spoken words and check for congruency we are better able to fully understand others, who also may feel more heard. It is also helpful when assessing a the other persons current position and how we can be of most help to them right now.

There are also cultural differences in non verbal communication. If you are in the company of a person from another cultural background it is always helpful to research some of their cultures gestures. You may find what is considered ok for us is rude for them. You may also find personal space and eye contact has very different meanings for them.

Being an effective and successful communicator demands that we are perceptive and intuitive. These skills are perfected by our ability to read others body language and check that the spoken word and non verbal communication agrees with what is being said. When we get a ‘hunch’ or have a ‘gut feeling’ this is usually what we have ‘heard’ from non verbal queues of others.

Kirsty O'Callaghan
www.unity-qld.com.au

W.I.N.K (What I Now Know) There will be no white flag above my door!

This week I wanted to share with you what I thought was going to set me back, and undo a lot of the hard work it had taken for me to get this far with my healing.

When illness threatened to rear it's ugly head again this week I started to get caught up in all those negative thoughts and feelings that I had lived with for twenty years. Had the hard yards been worth it, only to end up in exactly the same place? I could have chosen to stay in that same place, after al it was familiar territory. I would at least know what to expect!

The problem was the last six months of healing had given me a glimpse into a world I hadn't seen since I was a child. It was a world of happiness, excitement, hope and endless possibilities. It was a world I really wanted to be a part of. After coming to this decision, I was able to experience something really extraordinary.

It seems I was able to stop the pain and illness dead in it's tracks. I know I shouldn't have been surprised about this, but I have to admit I really was. Illness and pain will not be following me into next week, or the next. The hard yards are definately worth it. I'm workth it.

So there will be no white flag above my door!

Lynda Alderton
for www.unity-qld.com.au

What I Now Know (W.I.N.K) You Can't Always Fake It Till You Make It

Have you heard of the saying 'Fake it until you make it'? Have you ever found this applying to the way you live your life? Is it the side of you that you show to the rest of the world? I had decided a long time ago that I was definately going to fake it until I made it. The problem was I was so busy faking it, I forgot to make it!

During those years where I was consumed by ill health, numerous surgeries and the roller coaster ride of IVF, I found that the sad story of my life was sometimes too hard and depressing for the people around me to take. I didn't want to be the person who, or the reason that brought every one around me down. So I created a mask to present to the world, so nobody had to know that I really wasn't coping with my situation. I became so caught up in pretending I was okay, that I forgot to actually be okay. I have not learnt that the energy required to make sure you are doing a good job of faking it, actually takes away from the energy you could be putting into making it.

So if you choose to go down this road of faking it, don't forget that you still need to make it.

Lynda Alderton.

KIRSTY'S INSIGHT:
Faking it till you make it has been so overused, watered down and misunderstood that it is no surprise the 'magic' in it has gone for some people.

What this saying really means I have found and believe, is once you are in touch with your inspiration, your goals and dreams, and most importantly what is of most value to you in your world; you begin the journey of learning how to think, behave and feel as if you are that now. This sends powerful signals to your 'being' that we can do this, I am on the right track and giving up is not an option because this is who I was always meant to be.

Opportunities suddenly present themself clearly to you, you surround yourself in situations and people that support that inspired and purposeful part of you, and because you believe you can, so do others. You are also more equipped mentally, physically and emotionally to deal with set backs because you are in touch with where it is you want to go and who you want to be and how you are going to make a difference in your world.

It was never really about faking it, it was never about showing the world you can or are, it was definately never about being what you thought others expected or needed you to be; it was always about acting as if you already were where you feel, know and believe you are meant to be and having the experiences along the way that support you, push you and polish you to be the master of your creations and outcomes.

Have a wonderful week of 'making it' happen.

Kirsty O'Callaghan
www.unity-qld.com.au

What I Now Know (W.I.N.K) Is that finding direction in your life requires a really good map

Are you looking to create something new in your life? Do you need to change course and take a different path? A big lesson I have learnt is that it is not enough to just want change; you need to do something different in order for it to come about. I’m sure a lot of you would already know, this is easier said than done. Albert Einstein’s definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing over and over and expect a different result.

So, where do you start? For me, I found it really important to determine how committed I was to change. Change can be a really scary thing. If you allow yourself to move past that fear you will find there is an element of excitement with all the possibilities change could hold for you. So, after determining that you are definitely committed to change, what next? Do you decide to wing-it and jump in head first to the great unknown? Do you rely on a GPS to send you around the long way only to find out you need to do a u-turn in the next 200 meters? What I did know was that I needed a really good map.

I am currently in the process of plotting my map with the help of my Life Coaching with Kirsty. I would also recommend reading any books and blogs you can get your hands on, on this subject. You will be amazed at what works for some people, remembering that you can’t bake a cake with flour alone. This needs to be your map, so take bits and pieces from everywhere and tailor it to suit you and your life and the direction you are choosing to go. Remember that it’s progress, not perfection that counts.

Lynda Alderton
for www.unity-qld.com.au