Overcoming What May Seem Unfair Suffering

Every now and again I re-read the great speech from Martin Luther-King. It gives me inspiration as well as perspective on how to have a dream, pursue it and also do it with 'grace and style' or in his words, dignity and discipline.

Today a certain part struck me:

..."You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with
the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive."

I began to think about this powerful statement. The words creative suffering first; as I thought how can suffering be creative? Then it dawned on me that we could replace creative with original or even unique, which led me to understand it as rather than feel vicitmised by the suffering in our experiences, why not accept that our reactions to that suffering are our own creations, so therefore we can re-create that reaction and possibly get completely different outcomes more in line with what is desired.

I then continued to wonder about 'unearned suffering is redemptive'. Immediately I knew this to me meant that anything that may feel unfair or unjust, has a way of allowing me to choose to be released from the feelings of suffering and then begin to experience more liberation and freedom that what I may of before the situation came along. In turn this redemption, or liberation from the suffering often provides the drive and determination to make a difference for someone, something or even globally.

I have always resonated with the saying 'adversity breeds greatness' and I feel that it is from the darkest times that the light has the opportunity to shine the brightest.

Kirsty O'Callaghan

http://www.unity-qld.com.au

Kirsty's take on TRUST

I recently was in a situation where I had to sit back and trust the process and believe that the best outcome for all would come about. This time was definately one of the most unsettling yet satisfying weeks I have had recently. I thought I would share with you my thoughts on trust and what I remembered to get through.

When you think of trust, you usually relate it to who you trust, or put your trust in something or someone. Very rarely do I hear people saying they trust themselves or trust that they will make the right choices and/or decisions.

This surprises me as without trust in yourself and your own judgement, how do you listen to your inner wisdom, how do you know what to do if anything; and how do you know who in that moment you can share the experience with? If you have little or no trust in your own decision making process, how do you know you have appropriately allocated the situation to someone who is best suited to be trusted?

Trust takes a firm belief in your current abilities and a confidence in your inner voice. Trust also lets you take that ‘leap of faith’ into unknown circumstances, knowing that your actions and efforts are enough to see you through. To trust yourself is to tell yourself that you are good enough, you know yourself well enough and you are trustworthy.

The most empowering thing I have learnt in my life so far is that the only thing I can really control is me and my actions and re-actions. With hope, faith and trust in myself, I know that even if I make a wrong decision it will lead to a right decision next time. I have also found that by having hope, faith and trust in me, I am more committed to my personal choice in beliefs, philosophies and the way I choose to live my life. The flow on effect is that I genuinely accept and respect others beliefs and choices, as they do mine.

I feel inspired every day to do my best, find reason in situations so that I may improve and expand. This all comes about due to feeling resourceful because I trust me, I have faith and most importantly I have hope.

In closing, we all feel untrustworthy or let down at times, but by building on this skills in yourself, knowing you are definitely worth it, believing you can do it, you give yourself permission to be happier and more in control. Then when you do make choices on trusting others, having faith, surrendering the situation and looking for hope in the world, you will not only see it clearly but choose the right one, thing, action or person for you.

Kirsty O'Callaghan
www.unity-qld.com.au

CHOICE MANAGEMENT

When looking at your day and attempting to manage time, how many of you fail? How many of you get distracted, lack discipline and feel you cannot make the deadline? I believe this is an after effect of simply wanting to manage time.

You cannot manage time, it is there, it doesn’t change, there is never any more or less time and the sun will still come up when it does and set when it does. Take back control and managing choices in the time that is available.

Managing your choices (instead of managing time) allows you to implement a schedule of chosen tasks and then do the right ones in right order. The important thing to remember is that there are no right or wrong set of choices and actions, there is only the right ones for you. What is important and works for one person rarely works the same way for another. It is about finding your balance, what is important to you and then set about achieving.

There are a couple of easy steps you can use to start which will make a big impact in managing your choices:-

o A powerful question that assists in this process is “What is the best use of my time right now”. Immediately you will find that you are drawn to what is of benefit in the moment. It could be organising your desk, tidying your home or work area, having a break, finishing a paper or making a phone call. Asking this question will bring you back to task.
o Write a list of all the things that you need and want to be done (including work, home duties, recreational and you time). Keeping lists is a very powerful tool in staying on track and gaining a sense of achievement as you cross things off.
o Clear your space. A big reason people find themselves unmotivated and lacking organisation is that their home/office is cluttered and untidy. It is so easy to be distracted and feel bogged down. In the back of their mind it is a reminder of more ‘work’ to do.
o It is very important to allocate high energy tasks, whether thinking or doing, in your high energy time of day. Be mindful of what time of the day you choose to be studying, working, doing housework or resting.
o Clearly communicate and engage support from someone close to you. This will help you to keep on task as well as your support person can organise their choices and time in a manner that aids your achievements.

Most importantly, acknowledge your achievements each day and reflect. Whilst reflecting, without judgement, ask yourself “did I do my best today and what can I do better tomorrow?” This is the true path of excellence.

Kirsty O’Callaghan
www.unity-qld.com.au

BOOK REVIEW - THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES

“The Five Love Languages, How to express heartfelt commitment to your mate”, is a book written by Gary Chapman. It is an amazing book which provides an insight into ourselves and others, and how we perceive genuine love should be expressed to us. As the book points out, if it is not expressed in our way it is often not validated or given importance, which can create communication breakdowns that may lead to unhappiness.

Being able to understand our own ‘love language’ as well as our partner’s, children, family members’ or close others’, gives us the ability to communicate what is important to us and why, and also for us to give in a way that is important to whoever you wish to show your love and appreciation to.

Gary Chapman has defined love language into five specific areas:

o Quality Time. This language is spoken by giving someone your undivided attention. Focusing on that person to give them time and do things with them. The central aspect of quality time is togetherness. When in conversation, during quality time, it is done with a genuine desire to understand the thoughts, feelings and desires behind the words being spoken.

o Words of Affirmation. This language is spoken by using words that build up someone. Verbally affirming a person has tremendous power. Compliments or words of appreciation are powerful communicators of love. They are best expressed in simple, straight forward statements. Words of affirmation also inspire courage in others which can reduce the feelings of insecurity and unmet potential. When we communicate love we must use kind words. Love makes requests, not demands. Words are important.

o Gifts. A gift to someone who speaks this language tells them that you were thinking of them, value them and are symbols of the love you have for them. Symbols have emotional value. To the individual whose primary love language is receiving gifts, the cost will matter little. The gift of self is also very valid; being there when someone needs you speaks loudly to them of your love.

o Acts of Service. This language is spoken in doing things you know someone would like you to do. You please them by being of service and helpful. These actions and tasks are done with a positive spirit. Listen to the requests of the person you would like to express love to in ‘their language’ and appropriately select tasks to be done and do without prompting.

o Physical Touch. Physical touch is a powerful communicator for expressing love. Without loving touch, for those who have this language, a person feels unloved and empty. To be held when upset or feeling vulnerable or during a time of crisis is very important to those who speak this language. To touch a part of the body just while sitting or holding hands while walking, even running your hands through their hair is an emotional lifeline for these people.

When we are aware what language we need ‘spoken’ to us, and what the other person’s language is that they need ‘spoken’ to them, we can create an environment where we feel an adequate supply of affection so our emotional wellbeing is stable. We can avoid situations where a person may feel unworthy, taken for granted, unloved or misunderstood.

An excerpt from the book, The Five Love Languages:

“Love is a choice…We are creatures of choice…That means that we have the capacity to make poor choices, which all of us have done. Poor choices in the past don’t mean that we must make them in the future. Instead we can say, I’m sorry. I know I have hurt you, but I would like to make the future different. I would like to love you in your language. I would like to meet your needs.

I have seen marriages rescued from the brink of divorce when couples make the choice to love.

When we choose active expressions of love in the primary love language of our spouse, we create an emotional climate where we can deal with our past conflicts and failures.”

To start to discover your love language, you can ask yourself the question:

o I feel most loved by my partner when…

This may give insights as to how you best like receiving love and feel emotionally validated.

You can also go to Gary Chapman’s website and do the quick quiz he has there to establish your love language.

o www.fivelovelanguages.com

You may also like to do the quiz featured in his book, if you have it.

Once you have discovered how love languages work you can go about reviving your relationship, reconnecting with your children, or enjoying your family and friends in a more meaningful way. When the emotional need for love is met, it creates a climate where the people can deal with the rest of life in a much more productive manner.

This is one way that you may find helpful to you to not only have your emotional needs met, but meet the emotional needs of others close and important to you.

Kirsty O'Callaghan
www.unity-qld.com.au

Understanding Non Verbal Communication

I recently did a video for Parents of challenging and difficult children. I mentioned in the video how important it was to be aware of non verbal communication from your child. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ASZD1tuYv1YQ.
I have since been asked why is having an understanding of Non Verbal Communication so important? Here is a basic run down of what non verbal communication is.

The reason it is important to understand non verbal communication is that we gather more meaning from the messages and conversation from others through their tone of voice and body language than from the spoken word. Non verbal communication can account for upwards of 80% as to how the message is understood by the receiver.

Non verbal communication includes:-

. Tone of voice – e.g. angry, happy, excited, nervous
. Facial Expressions – e.g. frown, smile, twitch
. Gestures – e.g. waving, thumbs up, making a fist, pointing
. Posture – e.g. slouched, arms crossed, looking down, looking away
. Eye contact – e.g. looking to sides, eye rolling, overly staring, avoiding eye contact
. Personal space needs – e.g. uncomfortable distance apart, too far or too close

When we can translate non verbal signals as well as spoken words and check for congruency we are better able to fully understand others, who also may feel more heard. It is also helpful when assessing a the other persons current position and how we can be of most help to them right now.

There are also cultural differences in non verbal communication. If you are in the company of a person from another cultural background it is always helpful to research some of their cultures gestures. You may find what is considered ok for us is rude for them. You may also find personal space and eye contact has very different meanings for them.

Being an effective and successful communicator demands that we are perceptive and intuitive. These skills are perfected by our ability to read others body language and check that the spoken word and non verbal communication agrees with what is being said. When we get a ‘hunch’ or have a ‘gut feeling’ this is usually what we have ‘heard’ from non verbal queues of others.

Kirsty O'Callaghan
www.unity-qld.com.au

W.I.N.K (What I Now Know) There will be no white flag above my door!

This week I wanted to share with you what I thought was going to set me back, and undo a lot of the hard work it had taken for me to get this far with my healing.

When illness threatened to rear it's ugly head again this week I started to get caught up in all those negative thoughts and feelings that I had lived with for twenty years. Had the hard yards been worth it, only to end up in exactly the same place? I could have chosen to stay in that same place, after al it was familiar territory. I would at least know what to expect!

The problem was the last six months of healing had given me a glimpse into a world I hadn't seen since I was a child. It was a world of happiness, excitement, hope and endless possibilities. It was a world I really wanted to be a part of. After coming to this decision, I was able to experience something really extraordinary.

It seems I was able to stop the pain and illness dead in it's tracks. I know I shouldn't have been surprised about this, but I have to admit I really was. Illness and pain will not be following me into next week, or the next. The hard yards are definately worth it. I'm workth it.

So there will be no white flag above my door!

Lynda Alderton
for www.unity-qld.com.au

What I Now Know (W.I.N.K) You Can't Always Fake It Till You Make It

Have you heard of the saying 'Fake it until you make it'? Have you ever found this applying to the way you live your life? Is it the side of you that you show to the rest of the world? I had decided a long time ago that I was definately going to fake it until I made it. The problem was I was so busy faking it, I forgot to make it!

During those years where I was consumed by ill health, numerous surgeries and the roller coaster ride of IVF, I found that the sad story of my life was sometimes too hard and depressing for the people around me to take. I didn't want to be the person who, or the reason that brought every one around me down. So I created a mask to present to the world, so nobody had to know that I really wasn't coping with my situation. I became so caught up in pretending I was okay, that I forgot to actually be okay. I have not learnt that the energy required to make sure you are doing a good job of faking it, actually takes away from the energy you could be putting into making it.

So if you choose to go down this road of faking it, don't forget that you still need to make it.

Lynda Alderton.

KIRSTY'S INSIGHT:
Faking it till you make it has been so overused, watered down and misunderstood that it is no surprise the 'magic' in it has gone for some people.

What this saying really means I have found and believe, is once you are in touch with your inspiration, your goals and dreams, and most importantly what is of most value to you in your world; you begin the journey of learning how to think, behave and feel as if you are that now. This sends powerful signals to your 'being' that we can do this, I am on the right track and giving up is not an option because this is who I was always meant to be.

Opportunities suddenly present themself clearly to you, you surround yourself in situations and people that support that inspired and purposeful part of you, and because you believe you can, so do others. You are also more equipped mentally, physically and emotionally to deal with set backs because you are in touch with where it is you want to go and who you want to be and how you are going to make a difference in your world.

It was never really about faking it, it was never about showing the world you can or are, it was definately never about being what you thought others expected or needed you to be; it was always about acting as if you already were where you feel, know and believe you are meant to be and having the experiences along the way that support you, push you and polish you to be the master of your creations and outcomes.

Have a wonderful week of 'making it' happen.

Kirsty O'Callaghan
www.unity-qld.com.au

What I Now Know (W.I.N.K) Is that finding direction in your life requires a really good map

Are you looking to create something new in your life? Do you need to change course and take a different path? A big lesson I have learnt is that it is not enough to just want change; you need to do something different in order for it to come about. I’m sure a lot of you would already know, this is easier said than done. Albert Einstein’s definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing over and over and expect a different result.

So, where do you start? For me, I found it really important to determine how committed I was to change. Change can be a really scary thing. If you allow yourself to move past that fear you will find there is an element of excitement with all the possibilities change could hold for you. So, after determining that you are definitely committed to change, what next? Do you decide to wing-it and jump in head first to the great unknown? Do you rely on a GPS to send you around the long way only to find out you need to do a u-turn in the next 200 meters? What I did know was that I needed a really good map.

I am currently in the process of plotting my map with the help of my Life Coaching with Kirsty. I would also recommend reading any books and blogs you can get your hands on, on this subject. You will be amazed at what works for some people, remembering that you can’t bake a cake with flour alone. This needs to be your map, so take bits and pieces from everywhere and tailor it to suit you and your life and the direction you are choosing to go. Remember that it’s progress, not perfection that counts.

Lynda Alderton
for www.unity-qld.com.au

Raising Energy Awareness

There are many aspects of health that can affect our energy levels. They include –

o Physical – what we eat and drink, exercise, sleep/rest routine
o Mental – how we think
o Emotional – how we feel
o Spiritual – how centred and hopeful we feel

The purpose of this exercise is to easily and quickly find an answer and direction as to why you may be feeling low on energy.

When you eat a balanced diet; including mostly fruit, vegetables, nuts, seeds, proteins, yogurt and oats your body will function much better each day. You will be able to sustain energy throughout the day rather than have ups and downs. It has been found very beneficial to each 5 small meals per day rather than 2 or 3 large meals. In this way you support your digestion and you feel hungry less.

Exercise increases our energy; this is a well known fact. People who exercise regularly are reported to feel better about themselves, sleep better and they are able to think better.

How you think and feel has an enormous affect on your wellbeing and energy. Have you ever found yourself worrying over something or stressed in your environment, only to find that at the end of each day you are absolutely exhausted? Then when you go to sleep your mind is racing and a good night’s sleep is impossible. The good news is that you can control this cycle.

There are many models and tools that show you how to think positively and raise your awareness to a place where you have choices. Discovering these and adapting them into what works for you is a valuable experience. Being positive is not just about having a set of positive affirmations; it is more about being aware of what your internal dialogue is telling you and making changes where you find thoughts that are not true or inspiring to you. Giving up the put downs is a good start.

Emotional health is so important yet quite often forgotten. If you are happy you feel good, you act with purpose, you even hold yourself upright and looking proud. If you are sad you feel bad, stoop and approach life with fear and caution. If you are grateful for all you have you see opportunities and are open to more and always seem to have the energy to get it. When you are caught up in not having what you want that is all you see and it is quite exhausting.

Having goals and focus has been said to be the driving force behind a lot of successful people. Knowing where you are heading and having hope for a better future can allow you to be centred; only using energy on useful activities and not on activities that leave you feeling drained of your energy reserves.

Most of all, there is nothing like having fun to feel more energised and a wonderful sense of wellbeing. Surround yourself with people, experiences and things that uplift you and you will find that each day excites you rather than drains and overwhelms you.

In closing a quote from Jerry Gillies:
’It takes a lot more energy to fail than to succeed, since it takes a lot of concentrated energy to hold on to beliefs that don't work.’

Kirsty O'Callaghan
www.unity-qld.com.au

What I Now Know (W.I.N.K) Is to look for the Awesome

How long has it been since you have stopped to smell those proverbial roses? Are you caught up in a life that just seems filled with chaos, drama and passes by in what seems like a complete blur?

I know from experience that it is really easy to get caught up in all those things that we believe are so important that we don't see, or forget to look for all those little things about life that are truly awesome.

There are times in all our lives that it can be really hard to find the greatness in anything, when it seems you are traveling a never-ending path of pain and suffering. That so called light at the end of the tunnel has been distinguished and seems to be completely non-existing.

Last week I came across a blog that has helped me to look for those things that can bring a smile to your face. You can start walking that path of happiness by revisiting a time when life was full of innocence and remember how it felt to experience something for the first time. The blog is called "1000 Awesome Things" and has been turned into two books called "The Book of Awesome" and "The Book of Even More Awesome".

I want to give you a small sample of the awesome things on this list.

- Real bearded Santa’s
- Using rock-paper-scissors to settle anything
- The smell of rain
- Eating cookies like the cookie monster
- Getting a trucker to blow their horn
- Baby’s toes
- The other side of your pillow
- Celebrating your pet’s birthday even though they have no idea what's going on

I am putting a challenge out there for you all to go to this site where I'm sure you will find something in this list that will give you a good laugh, or at the very least, bring a smile to your face. I'm sure there is something awesome there for everyone.

Lynda Alderton
For www.unity-qld.com.au

Finding Your High and Low Energy Times

Everybody has times during the day where you will feel more get up and go, mentally and/or physically, than other times.

Our bodies go through a natural cycle throughout the day which at times produces more output, at times needs rest or sleep and to slow down, occasionally requires energy for digestion and internal operations and frequently needs refuelling.

The best way to find out your best and not so good output times is to journal over the next week the following:-

-The time/s when you feel you think more clearly and quickly
-The time/s when you feel you have more energy to do physical activities
-The time/s when you feel you are hungry and thirsty
-The time/s when you feel you need to slow down
-The time/s when you feel you are tired
-The time/s when you feel you need to clear your mind
-The time/s when you feel you are calmer
-The time/s when you feel irritated
-The time/s when you feel focused
-The time/s when you feel you can take in and retain information
-The time/s when you notice that you have to read or listen to the same thing more than once or twice to have it sink it

After a week you may find a pattern emerging as to your high and low energy times of the day. Around this pattern you can appropriately organise your activities to get the most out of each days expectations; as well as being aware of your own self care needs.

It has been found that following a routine that embraces your natural energy cycles can boost your performance as well as increasing your self esteem and confidence in your own abilities.

Kirsty O’Callaghan
www.unity-qld.com.au

W.I.N.K. (What I Now Know) There is a big difference between giving and sharing

Do you consider yourself to be a giving person? Is there a price you pay for this?

I was a giving person and I always thought this was a great part of my character. There was a definite price I paid. I didn't realize that every time I gave something to someone else I was taking something away from me. You know that feeling, when the events and people in your life slowly chip away at you until you feel yourself diminishing in size and stature.

So how do you actively participate in the relationships and the roles in your life without losing yourself or handing everything over? I believe I have found an answer for myself and hope that it might be the answer for others as well. I have decided to reword and rethink how I do things. I am no longer what I consider to be a giving person and have replaced that with now being a sharing person. I can now share myself with others rather than give pieces of myself away.

I have found that by doing this it has changed the way I view almost everything in my life and I no longer feel diminished, drained or burnt out. I am really looking forward to my future full of sharing.

To my little Sis; we may not have been very successful at sharing when we were kids, but I am grateful we have the opportunity to do better and change that as adults. Happy Birthday.

Lynda Alderton
for www.unity-qld.com.au

What I Now Know (W.I.N.K) How to make scars disappear

Do you have a scar you can't get rid of? Is it a scar that the rest of the world can see, or is it one you keep hidden from sight? Is it a physical scar or an emotional scar? Can you really have one without the other? Do you wear a cover or mask over your scar, so you hope no one will see?

I bare the scars both physically and emotionally from my past 20 surgeries. I thought if I covered up these scars and kept them hidden from sight, no one would see. I was so wrong. A physical scar may change how you look, but an emotional scar will change who you are. It will stop you from being the person you are meant to be, and doing the things you were meant to do.

So the question is posed - Can you really make a scar disappear? Do you attempt to have the scar removed, only to find you end up creating another scar?

For me it became apparent that my physical and emotional scars were now the definition of who I had become. When I stopped and realised that my life story was a sad one, I new that wasn't what or who I was meant to be. It has now occurred to me that maybe I could use my scars to inspire, educate and encourage others who also bare scars. I now believe I have these scars for a reason, so I will take the lessons I have learnt from them and put them to good use. Through doing this, I couldn't have been more surprised to find my emotional scars starting to fade, which also led to my physical scars no longer being a prominent part of my life. I certainly don't view them in quite the same way as I used to. My physical scars to me are definitely disappearing.

So here is my recipe for making scars disappear: -
* 20 tablespoons of hope (tip the left over despair down the drain)
* 10 litres of joy
* 30 cups of those people who love and support you
* 1 whole truckload of self-love
* 40 cups of gratitude

Mix these ingredients all together and completely submerge yourself in it for the rest of your life. Of course, good vitamin E oil won't hurt either.
My wish is that someday we will all be able to view our own and others scars in a different light, and that maybe we could even wear them with pride.

Lynda Alderton
for www.unity-qld.com.au

We have entered our blog in the Sydney Writers’ Centre’s Best Australian Blog 2011 Competition. We have also entered the People’s Choice Award, voting for this category will open on Monday 18 April 2011, so click vote for us. http://www.sydneywriterscentre.com.au/

Thank you for your continued support.

W.I.N.K (What I Now Know) That I am sick of being sick!

Are you sick of being sick? Are you sick of feeling the loss of control that comes with constant illness? I have shared with you all in my past WINK's, my struggle with illness, which has been a huge part of my life for over 20 years. I unknowingly became a person who only identified with being sick, dependent and powerless. It was a very lonely time in my life, as I felt the people around me, (as hard as they tried), couldn’t possibly understand how I was feeling both physically and mentally. I thought I needed people to sympathize with me and treat me with a "poor you" attitude.

The turning point in my life came when after yet another medical crisis, I met Kirsty, who's attitude towards me and my situation was, "that must have been awful for you, but what are you going to do now?" My initial response was to do what I was used to doing, which was to just wait until the next medical crisis pulled me under. It was all I had learnt how to do, and I had become very good at it. Somewhere in those 20 years I had stopped believing there was anything I could do about it.

Instead of going with my initial response, I decided there must be more to me than this sad story, so I dug a little deeper. I realized I had no idea what I could do to create a different outcome. Through my coaching with Kirsty and a lot of self-education I have learnt there is a whole lot I can do. I am working towards and putting in place some big changes. Instead of feeling like my body had let me down in the past, I now know that I won't let my body down in the future.

Lynda Alderton
for www.unity-qld.com.au

W.I.N.K (What I Now Know) Is To Do It Anyway!

For those of you who don't know much about me, I can tell you I am a big fan of Music, especially Country Music. I love that there are some great messages in music, that we can all take something from. This week I would like to share with you the words from a song that over the years I have found very empowering. This song is called "Anyway" and is sung by Martina McBride. I hope that it might help other's to push through difficult times, as it has helped me to believe that if I believe in something, not to give up.

You can spend your whole life building something from nothing,
One storm can come and blow it all away.
Build it anyway.
You can chase a dream, that seems so out of reach,
And you now it might not ever come your way.
Dream it anyway.
God is great, but sometimes life ain't good,
And when I pray,
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should,
But I do it anyway.
This worlds gone crazy and it's hard to believe
That tomorrow will be better than today.
Believe it anyway.
You can love someone with all your heart,
For all the right reasons,
In a moment they can choose to walk away,
Love them anyway,
You can pour your soul out singing
A song that you believe in,
That tomorrow they forget you ever sang.
Sing it anyway.
I sing it anyway
I sing; I dream; I love; I pray.

For me, this song holds many personal messages, one of which was how quickly and unexpectedly things can change in your life, and that it doesn't mean those things weren't worth creating in the first place. Learn that the reward out weigh’s the risk, and that you're never going to know if you don't try. Sometimes what we think we want may not necessarily be what we need. I am currently on my journey gaining courage with every new mile, and I'm learning to do it anyway.

Lynda Alderton
for www.unity-qld.com.au

Every Tank Needs Refueling

Have you ever felt completely drained, as if you had nothing left to give to anyone or any situation? I'm sure most of us feel like this occasionally, but for some of us it can mean that you are traveling through your life on a constantly empty tank.

I know what it's like to feel that you never get the chance to just be. Every situation and every person in your life wants something from you. I believed after battling illness for years and then struggling through years of IVF, I was completely drained. After eventually achieving success with IVF, I felt like I had nothing left to offer the child I had fought so hard to have. It has taken me some time to realize that I had simply ignored the fact that I needed to refuel.

Refueling is going to mean different things and come about in different ways for different people. Sometimes it may come about in the way of food, or doing things that enrich your soul and bring happiness to your life. It could even be as simple as taking some time for you or finding something to have a good gut-wrenching laugh about. It could be all of these things. What I am absolutely sure about is that it does need to happen.

I would like to share with you something my Mum did for me after my first child was born. Illness had reared its ugly head and I was unable physically to look after my newborn baby. I felt a lot of guilt over the fact that my baby needed me and I had nothing physically or mentally to give him. At this time my Mother gave to me the best gift I could have asked for. She would hand the baby to me when he didn't need anything from me. He had already been fed, bathed and changed, and I could simply just enjoy being with him.

Sometimes refueling yourself might actually come in the form of helping to refuel somebody else. Thank you Mum & Happy Birthday.

Lynda Alderton
For http://www.unity-qld.com.au/

What I Now Know (W.I.N.K) That Walking is Easy When The Road is Flat

What I now know, is that it is so easy to get caught up in the "Why Me"? What did I do wrong to deserve this? Why do bad things happen to good people?

I'm sure many of us have asked these questions at some point in our lives; I know I have. What I didn't know was the all-important answer. That some things just are. You might be thinking what kind of an answer is that? Well, it just is. We can spend our whole lives looking for the answers to these questions, when what we should be really looking for is the lesson.

It's not the answer, but the lesson learnt that allows us to move forward with our lives, make any necessary changes, and not to have history repeat itself. If only we could realize it at the time, that we are being challenged as a way to build our own individual characters. If we all got to walk the flat road, and never had any hills, how would we be able to build any strength of character, and deal with life's challenges? How would we know what the view was like from up there?

I know for me personally, my road has had many hills, sometimes even mountains. But I have survived every one of these by learning the lesson and putting changes in place to take a different route. It might explain though why I drive a 4WD.

Lynda Alderton
For Unity-Qld www.unity-qld.com.au

What I Now Know ('WINK')That Forgiveness is Healing.

Have you ever listened to or read one of those news stories about a crime or wrong doing being committed against someone, who was able to go on and forgive the perpetrator? I was one of those people who couldn't seem to get my head around forgiving someone who had inflicted so much pain. I felt those people were a long way off from deserving forgiveness.

Then, I found myself in this same situation. There had been people in my life that had committed crimes and some that had committed a wrong doing against me. To be perfectly honest, it was a big enough step just to admit this, let alone be able to move on from these events. Some of these people had asked for my forgiveness, and others could easily get by without it. Ultimately it was my decision.

It was a bit of a case of, "Which comes first, “the chicken or the egg"? Do I need to have "gotten over" these situations first, or can I forgive these people regardless? I guess it was a bit of a leap of faith for me, but I chose to forgive them first. I had no idea at the time the healing and the ability to move on I would experience from being able to do this. I had found out that the forgiveness I gave these people wasn’t for their benefit. It was for mine.

Through forgiveness, the healing followed. It was literally like the load I carried was now lighter. My leap had been well worth it. I hope that if you're faced with the same situation you have the faith to leap.

Lynda Alderton
for www.unity-qld.com.au

It's not what you say, but what you do.

I'm sure you've all heard the saying, "Actions speak louder than words". What I didn't realise was, as much as I loved this saying, and expected my children to live by these rules, the one person that wasn't living it was me. I thought I was, but taking a good hard look at myself I had to admit that I sadly fell short of the mark.

Twenty years ago, while suffering from different illnesses, I unknowingly handed over my power to the many Doctors and Nurses who would end up treating and caring for my wellbeing. They did care for my wellbeing; some better than others, some with more success than others. Don't get me wrong, I’m not saying that at the time I didn't need all the different treatments, surgeries, and medications. I'm saying that if I had of kept at least some of that power, I would have been able to actively participate in my health and wellbeing, rather than take each new crisis as the blow to the body that it was. If I was going to be sick anyway, I didn't have to particularly care about what I ate and how I abused my body. My body had seemingly let me down.

The proverbial saying "Straw That Broke The Camels Back" for me, happened last year, when after a feinting spell, I ended up with a fractured skull from the fall. It was a huge eye opener for me. The great thing to come out of this event is that I have now been able to bring about one of the biggest changes of my life. Through understanding that an illness or injury cannot be healed with just surgery or medicine alone, I have been able to improve my approach to my health, both physically and mentally. I'm no longer just waiting for someone else to fix me.
Now, I don't just talk about getting better. I now do better.

Lynda Alderton
For www.unity-qld.com.au

This weeks W.I.N.K. - What I now know

Is that Happiness is a Choice

I used to be the type of person who always saw my cup as half empty. I just accepted that if I felt sad about something, then it must be the way I'm "supposed" to feel. I experienced years of allowing myself to be controlled by my emotions, until it consumed me, and had a negative affect on my ability to function within my family and society.

After being in Intensive Care and having a near death experience, I wondered why I wasn’t one of those people that felt enthusiastic at being given a second chance at life. All I felt like is that I had been ripped off. I now know that I was letting my emotions lead me, instead of making a conscious decision to embrace my second chance at life.
I have now come to believe that I can, and have, taken control back. I can simply choose to see my glass as half full. The great thing about doing that, is the feelings and emotions obediently follow along.

I know it sounds too simple, but it does take effort to break those old thought patterns and let the new ones in. Of course we are not all robots on automatic pilot. Sure, we all have our own instincts and gut feelings, and we still need to allow ourselves to feel emotions like sadness, grief and anger. Allowing ourselves to feel these emotions, enables us to release them, learn from them, and let them go. We can choose not to stay within the confines of these emotions, not to get stuck, and to move past them.

In shifting the way I think about my emotions, I have changed my life for the better. I now think and feel stronger in every aspect of my life. Of course, it's still a work in progress for me, but I know now that I do have a choice, and I choose happiness.

Lynda Alderton
For Unity-Qld http://www.unity-qld.com.au

WHAT I NOW KNOW (WINK!) series.

Introducing ~ Lynda Alderton

Over the coming weeks and months, I’m hoping to share with you some of the new ways in which I’m able to experience life. Through under going ‘Life Coaching’ with Kirsty O’Callaghan, I have been able to work through some of those difficult life experiences that can sometimes be overwhelming, and can easily begin to overrun your life. I had long ago given up on having any control over the quality of my life. The great news is, I’m gradually taking that control back, and through sharing this experience with you, I hope to be able to encourage and explain, that it’s not as hopeless or as hard as you might think. I hope you find my WINK (What I Now Know) helpful and informative.

Lynda Alderton
For Unity-Qld
http://www.unity-qld.com.au/

SUCCESS CAN BE FUN

Have you noticed that some people on their road to success feel it is a serious business and lose their ability to have fun? I have found that there is a ‘secret ingredient’ that they may be missing to achieve that success faster, easier and most of all, healthier. It is humour.

Nothing works faster or more reliably to bring your mind and body back into balance than a good laugh. Humour inspires, motivates, connects you to others, and keeps you grounded, focused, and alert.

Humour has been reported to do many positive things to your body. It's responsible for elevating your mood, breaking up boredom, reducing fatigue, and gives you a more flexible outlook on life. It also boosts your immune system, reduces stress, relaxes muscles and lowers your blood pressure.

Observational humour is the healthiest of all humour. People who use this type of humour have a unique outlook on life. They are always able to see the bright side of things and they don't take themselves too seriously. This enables them to deal more easily with daily stress in their life at work and at home. Observational humour is the only type of humour which can be enjoyed alone. As a result, studies linking humour with health have tended to support this type of humour.

It is well known that children learn more through play, so here are a few tips on how to be successful through fun.

Limit sarcasm - It has the potential to be taken the wrong way in a work environment.

Joke appropriately - Don't just memorise the latest joke making the rounds on email. Tailor your jokes to the individual or situation, and keep them clean.

Be funny - Making a funny comment to diffuse tension is a great idea, but don't overdo it.

Surround yourself with positive and fun people - Spend time with those who are upbeat and avoid negative people whenever possible.

Laugh with others - You can be seen as having a great sense of humour without ever telling a joke. Just listen to those around you and share in their laughter.

Today, let go and have fun - Remind yourself to have fun and laugh every day.

Kirsty O'Callaghan www.unity-qld.com.au

A Message for the New Year.

Welcome to 2011, I hope you all have many amazing adventures this year that bring you many blessings.
I would like to take a moment to recognize the flood victims in Queensland who are undergoing an extremely distressing experience right now. There are many that have lost everything and many who have lost some. Whatever is their personal experience and pain, I am sure they would all benefit from your loving, healing and kind thoughts, words and/or deeds at this time.
As happens in times of tragedy, you hear about stories of communities coming together. I would like to take this as a personal reminder to suggest that we all:-
Identify our community, personally and professionally
Think of how you can support your community and/or help in some way regularly
If there is something you can do to make a difference to someone else this year, who is it and what would it be?
I put out the challenge to all those not affected by a natural disaster, to help someone anyway. To get to know those in your street, community, school, workplace; foster and nurture meaningful relationships and build a community that cares, not just one that helps when the pressure is on!
Have a wonderful January. Kirsty.
www.unity-qld.com.au